There Is a Thin Line between BDSM and Abuse, Make Sure You Don’t Cross It


“BDSM is to assault as sex is to rape.” -The ONLY difference is consent. One of the least talked about (but important) issues in the Indian society is BDSM sex.

You have seen it on the internet, read about it in books, seen it in movies and even wanted to try it with your partner. But what is it really? And is BDSM similar to hitting someone or forcing someone into sex?

What exactly are BDSM and Abuse?

BDSM: The full form of the abbreviation BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. The simple idea behind this form of sex is to explore the kinky pleasure behind pain of flesh. It’s not simply a style of sex or sexual ideas but in fact, is a lifestyle choice.

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We have all heard about physical abuse stories, but what exactly is abuse?

Abuse: On the other hand, abuse is a way to cause physical, mental or emotional damage to another person. These are certain acts inflicted on a person without the other person’s consent.

Please Spank Me VS Please Don’t Hit Me!

A couple who MUTUALLY enjoys BDSM sex,enjoys spanking, and feels like doing it is normal. Nothing wrong there, or is it? Well, no!It makes their sexual experience much more exciting, which is cool.

It makes their sexual experience much more exciting, which is cool.

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I am sure the ‘Please don’t hit me’ phrase is pretty much clear. If any person is hitting their partner and the partner is not enjoying it, it’s abuse. If this is you, you need to STOP now!!

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Building Trust VS Breaking It

While BDSM creates, relies upon and builds trust, abuse destroys all and any form of trust that was present in the relationship.

During BDSM sex, everything is discussed beforehand between the partners. This helps the partners to build a deeper connection.

During abuse, the scenario is only sad where one partner is in pain- be it physical, mental or emotional.

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The only difference is consent for BDSM vs Abuse

All the acts that are done during BDSM are thoroughly discussed and agreed upon while this is not so for abuse. In fact, the ‘safety word’ and parameters for safety are already spoken about.

In an abusive relationship, there is no such discussion and zero consent is given.

bdsm vs abuse
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Let’s talk about movies

BDSM: We all know the obvious example here, 50 shades of grey. It is a book which was later adapted as a movie. But we enjoy watching it right? Do you know why? Because it’s love AND consensual.

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Abuse: The movie ‘Provoked’, which is an Aishwarya Rai starer, was a beautiful example of domestic violence and abuse. The protagonist kills her husband after facing years of domestic violence and abuse. The movie is based on the real-life story of Kiranjit Ahluwalia.

Image result for provoked, http://www.thefractions.com/?p=22119&preview=true
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How Indians take BDSM and physical abuse stories!

BDSM: When you tell someone about you, as a couple, are interested in BDSM Sex.

“Oh My God! What kind of a person are you living with? He is so scary. You must do something.”

Abuse: When you tell someone trusted that you were abused by your husband.

“Your husband hit you? You must keep quiet beta. He is your husband, he can do anything.”

When you tell someone trusted that you were abused by your wife. 

How is it even possible? How are you such a sissy?”

BDSM VS Abuse – Do NOT confuse them to be the same

We all need to work together to end abuse. Why? Because that is how people will start accepting BDSM and understand that is a lifestyle choice. Also, I really want to know why a man hits a woman or vice versa? What satisfaction does it induce?

Here is something you must know: People who enjoy BDSM work hard to ensure it is not abuse.

Comment with #LetsEndAbuse below if you feel we must take a step to end the sad act. In BDSM VS Abuse, I am against abuse.

Also Read: HE’s a SHE and ‘SHE’ Is Amazing – Lesbians: Stereotypes vs Reality


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23 | Indian | Traveler | Dreamer | Believer | Writer by profession | EAT.LOVE.PRAY | ~WANDERLUST~

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There Is a Thin Line between BDSM and Abuse, Make Sure You Don’t Cross It

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